Message?

Yesterday, while searching through the boxes we brought home from Beast's parents' house last summer, Beast found a wrapped Christmas gift for Sparky. We could tell right away that it was a video, wrapped in Christmas paper with a tag on it. The tag was yellowing, so this was obviously not a recent purchase. Well, that and the fact that it was a video (not a DVD or game)!

Turns out that Sparky has a new (to him) version of Mother Goose Rhymes in Song.

I'm thinking this gift is 15 years old, or so. Flashback.



[Anyone still have a VCR and want this?]

Humor

So I Facebooked a link to this video:

I find it hysterical, primarily because I've been to Russia and this kind of get-together is normal...until I recognized the song.

Holy cow, these people know Britney Spears?? I'm ROFLing all day thinking about it.

And then I get slapped down because it's, apparently, demeaning to old people.

WTF? It is? OK, maybe, but could this person's timing have possibly been worse? As if I'm not aware that we all get old? I think it's awesome that people "of a certain age" are rocking out and having a blast and singing...Britney-fucking-Spears.

Some people...I'm telling ya, I know it's been a rough couple of weeks for the person who smacked me up, but, yeah, of course, MY last couple of weeks has been so DAMN MUCH FUN.

I actually think it's kind of demeaning to think that old people aren't insanely goofy sometimes. And, in this case, I'd think they were pretty well lubricated too.

Morality Play at Midnight

(which sounds like one of those paperback mysteries that generally rely on puns or onomatopoeia to attract readers, like a light attracts bugs)

A couple of nights ago I woke up with cold feet--welcome to the North!--and eventually staggered out of bed to the closet to grab a pair of socks. I grabbed blindly, and heard a pair slide off the shelf onto the floor. {shrug--sigh--oh, well} When I got back to bed, they turned out to be the only pair of socks I own with toes. Did I stagger back to the closet? Nope. I sat there figuring out which foot matched which sock and slotted my toes in. And then I keeled over and went back to sleep. My clearest thought was the fear that I'd rip off my anklet when I toed off the socks later.

Moral #1: Put the winter socks away. Better idea, in fact, is to put the CHRISTMAS winter socks away well before July. There are boxes in which the socks are supposed to live, but there are always socks stacked on top of the half-full boxes.

Moral #2: Grope more carefully. The socks that fell (thinnish trouser socks) were better-suited to summer cold feet than the ones I returned to bed with.

Moral #3: Rather than going to the closet...in fact, rather than getting out of bed at all...reach into the nightstand (top drawer, in front) and snag a pair of footies that I keep there for this very purpose! These would also have caused me no worries in the anklet-ripping-off department.

Moral #4: Rather than going to the closet, turn off the overhead fan. Which the eye doctor told me not to have on at night. Which was the reason there was a chilly breeze blowing on my feet on an already-chilly night.

Mind you, I thought of NONE of these at 2 a.m. or even the next day. It was finding the trouser socks in the laundry basket yesterday that caused me to rethink my brain damage.

Because I needed this today

Swine Pooh

OMGROFL.

Best commentary on the current hysteria.

Poetry Month

To honor the end of poetry month:

{h/t Cheesehead}

I can't help but poke fun, y'know.

Hard job?

I don't really want to do either job in this exchange, but I know which one is really the hardest.

Note: I'm note posting this on Facebook because so many "mommy" friends are there. If you have access to my Fb and this blog, chances are real good that you are a friend who is a mom, not a "mommy" friend. I like my friends--all of them--but that site is a healthy reminder that screaming babies and discussions of episiotomies are not really what makes the rest of the world roll witcha. And also...I'm SO GLAD that Sparky is past the stage of poopy-butt. Now he's just poopy-brained sometimes. ;-)

Crack me up

My son is bored. I have 'his' laptop. So he flipped through the satellite channels till he found The Magnificent Seven. We are now watching that on AMC, and when a commercial comes on, he flips over to CSI...his favorite show. So, I think that means he likes TM7. Which cracks me up. Most of those actors are dead, or criminally aged now, and the acting is pretty humorous, plus he just eyerolled & asked why no one in old movies bleeds when they are shot...but we're still watching.

Now, he just arrived in the living room with a quarter moon of gouda cheese in his hand. To munch on.

I love this kid.

Tip

If you get a new computer that's running on, say, Vista and you decided to download your personal dictionary off your old (really old) computer, do NOT follow the directions when the computer asks you to find your Windows 97 boot disc and insert it in the drive. Because then my laptop that I somehow broke won't get fixed as The Fixer (anyone else read that book?) is busy fixing someone else's computer, and I'll be cranky.

Just sayin'.

From Thursday a.m.

Beast and I had a lovely chat Thursday morning. He was at work, I was "getting ready to leave for work" (i.e., eating breakfast [i.e. goofing around on the computer before RACING through the rest of the preparations])

[07:20] Psalm23: I just discovered that they now make pancakes in a spray can
[07:20] Psalm23: OK, just the batter (and there's music on that site--beware)
[07:22] Beast: great - instead of mainlining whipped cream, you can do pancake batter instead.
[07:22] Psalm23: but it's ORGANIC
[07:22] Psalm23: rofl
[07:23] Beast: available at [local chain], meijer and [another local chain]!
[07:23] Psalm23: "dicalcium phosphate" don't we grow that around here?
[07:23] Beast: yeah, i saw that. organic compressed crap in a can. the CANS, so organic, too.
[07:24] Psalm23: yes
[07:24] Psalm23: very eco friendly
[07:24] Psalm23: (I may buy one just as a giggle)
[07:25] Beast: yeah - and after making fun of it, we'll probly like it.....
[07:25] Psalm23: we can make fun of liking it!
[07:25] Psalm23: Oooh, I'll take it to Amy's on Saturday!
[07:25] Beast: you're doing organic breakfast?
[07:26] Psalm23: who says we can't have pancakes or waffles for lunch??
[07:27] Beast: it WOULD save on the mess of mixing the batter
[07:27] Beast: how much does a can cost, do u know?
[07:27] Psalm23: no dishes to wash
[07:27] Psalm23: just eat off the griddle!
[07:27] Psalm23: I'd guess at about $5
[07:28] Beast: just the opposite of sticking your tongue on a frozen pole, eh?
[07:28] Psalm23: oooh, the can is RECYCLABLE!!!
[07:28] Psalm23: I'm not sure where to find it in the store, though.
[07:28] Psalm23: Near the milk/eggs?
[07:28] Psalm23: Near the Bisquick?
[07:29] Beast: in the refrigerator section....
[07:30] Psalm23: ok, I really should go finish getting ready for work
[07:30] Beast: Banana and Nutella Pancakes with Hot Buttered Rum Sauce
[07:30] Psalm23: oooooh, lovely
[07:30] Beast: recipe on the web site
[07:30] Psalm23: see, now THAT's not breakfast
[07:30] Psalm23: and kinda messy, too
[07:31] Beast: Christmas Tree – You can make a simple Christmas tree shaped pancake – add M&Ms for the ornaments and a Hershey's Kiss star.
[07:31] Psalm23: CREAM CHEESE FROSTING!!!!!
[07:31] Beast: copied off the site, again
[07:32] Psalm23: yeah, I'm there [on the site] too
[07:32] Beast: snowy pancakes....
[07:32] Psalm23: I'm totally LMAO
[07:32] Beast: probly developed by some schmuck in [the town where we live]
[07:32] Psalm23: Nope: San Francisco I googled their phone
[07:33] Psalm23: AIMED at [the town where we live], no doubt
[07:33] Psalm23: I will be looking for these......
[07:33] Beast: "I didn't have any mixing bowls left, so I opened up an old can of WD-40, stuffed some batter inside, and voila!"
[07:33] Beast: (inventor on Martha Stewart Live)
[07:34] Psalm23: oh, it totally gets better
[07:34] Psalm23: The phone number used to belong to a company called Periodic Tables: a cabinetry business [helps here to know that Beast is a chemist]
[07:35] Beast: lmao
[07:35] Psalm23: They apparently diversified!!
[07:35] Beast: i LIKE that
[07:35] Beast: well, you have to use the tables for SOMETHING
[07:35] Psalm23: rofl

We crack ourselves up. The rest of the joke, however, is that I bought a couple of cans and took them to Amy's yesterday...and the pancakes aren't half bad.

Baby It's Cold

Mood: Mildly sinus-y
Hair: Clean and brushed
Eyes: Tired
Listening to: Foo'bal

The current temperature, according to our thermometer on the (sunny) porch, is -6.2F (up from -6.0F at 10:00). The weather channel has posted a wind chill warning: gusts leading to -40F chills.

Beast just came through the living room in his winter coat, balaclava, and fully lined heavy mittens and said, "Right, I'm going out to get the newspaper!" It is on the driveway 20 yards from the house.

[He was outside maybe 5 minutes--he brought in firewoood too--and his under-the-breath comment after removing the outerwear was, "Hoo--that's brutal."]

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Urban Word:

leanover: A small-sized hangover, usually comes with merely a mild headache, a vague fatigue, and little or no sense of regret and/or shame.

I feel like I have a leanover this morning, but I haven't had anything alcoholic since Friday night. Time warp.

VOTE!

Niiiiice*!!!

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*OMG--I am quoting Borat! Desperate times = desperate measures.....

We are officially DORKS

Mood: OK, tired
Hair: very warm on my neck
Eyes: they are behaving today
Listening to: see remainder of entry.

Dorks, because Beast is clicking on animals (etc.) on Bzzzpeek and we are making fun of everyone. I recommend the horse, but you probably should work up to it. Start with cats, chickens, and ambulances.

OMG--some of them are just...weird. Apparently, owls are terrifying in India, and the person doing the Chinese horse was actually doing sheep through a mechanical duck call and adding a touch of frog. No horse in earshot.

Donkeys are funny wherever you go.

And Croatian toads have lengthy conversation!

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Urban Word:

Early Nerd Special: Midnight showing on the day of release of a highly-anticipated film [or book], typically of the science-fiction/fantasy genre.

Sparky was anxious to get his copy of Brisingr, but not anxious enough to pull an Early Nerd Special.

TOOOOOO funny! And right on target!

In case you missed it last night:
[Sorry about the previous link but the video is up here at SNL's NBC's website. Copyright issues. 2:50 p.m. 9/15/08]

Funny ads

Mood: ok
Hair: unwashed
Eyes: fubar
Listening to: the carbonation in my pop can

These ads are pretty funny, especially for those who've ridden on the Tube. There is just something quintessentially British about them. My favorite, from the "only in England" files: "Thanks, mate."

found here

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Urban Word:

mouse potato: Someone who spends all their time on the computer surfing the net or playing games. Similar to couch potato.

It was bad enough to witness the devolution of humanity to mouse potato, but now that people can take their games with them, does that make them phone potatoes? Tube potatoes, in the case above?

Watch what you type!

So I unintentionally send a slightly risque text message to Beast the other day in which I meant to ask if someone had contacted him. Except what I actually sent was "Any balls from home health?"

Today, I'm adding contents notes to a book on college football here at work. In a rare move, I glanced back at my typing before I saved it. There's a new college in South Bend, IN: Notre Damne.

OMG--Touchdown Jesus is pissed at me now!! Heyulp.

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Urban Word:

Word vomit: A point in a conversation where you say something that you really didn't mean to.

I think these samples qualify as word vomit, unless we need a term specifically for typed errors.

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Also: Nick Cave doing "Red Right Hand" = AWESOME cool!

Update (Rated PG for ugliness)

The joy of being the injured one in this case is that it's not that bad: looks much worse than it is. Besides which, one of our library pages was in a bike accident on Friday that broke both arms, required surgery, and has left him in the hospital for at least a couple more days.

So, THIS? This is nothing: So this is the view Saturday night (same basic photo as the original post.

This is the view yesterday morning. Varicose Veins Gone Wild! (not)

Today. With some help from Sparky (who is helping me sort through the crap on the floor behind my leg, by the way). See? Pretty colors!

What's amusing is that the outside of my leg also has a good-sized bruise from where it caught the floor on the way down, and I whacked the TOP of that same thigh on the underside of a table yesterday. Brilliant!

Thanks you guys who've commented.

"Asshat Move of the Year (So Far)"

Mood: Amused (and sore)
Hair: It needs washing and it's in a ratty braid
Eyes: Red-rimmed (stupid allergies
Listening to: MASCAR

Beast said that he expects me to use a title along these lines--not that he agrees with the sentiment. He should agree, but he's a kind Beastie. He also says he's never heard anyone else use the term "asshat." OK, then.

We went to a pig roast tonight. A good friend of ours has spent months planning this surprise party for his wife to celebrate their 20th anniversary. All of both of their families came in, and another friend volunteered their barn to host it.

Proving that I can't be trusted after half a glass of wine to walk while carrying a plate of food...I fell through the floor.

Now, granted there's more to the story, which I won't go into, but it was not the fault (directly) of the hosts or anyone else, and I didn't break the floor (the hole was there, and covered till we decided to tidy up). Fortunately, as you will see below, I have (ahem) heft in my thighs which ironically kept me from much more serious damage. I seem to have injured only 1) my pride, 2) my left foot where I twisted in my sandal as I fell, and 3) my right leg from mid-calf to mid-thigh, but pretty superficially. No broken bones, twisted tendons, or snapped ligaments. Just me, looking stupid.

That was at about 5:30. Three hours later after a bath and donning of pajamas (I do not wear these pants in public; are you on crack?!):

Not so bad, eh? A little red and scraped, with some suspicious shadowing on the inside of thigh. Still, some of the color weirdness could be due to the flash on the camera, eh?

OK, that shadow really is a bruise. Still, the majority of color is red. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of your own leg, by the way?

Eeeuwww! Cellulite! Whale-white skin! But rather patriotic: red, white and blue! Lots of scrapes, and some noticeable dark spots.

Can you point to where my leg got stuck in the floor? Can you see just how thick the floorboards in the barn are? Any bets on how painful getting out of bed tomorrow is going to be? I hope we have plenty of Tylenol in the house!

Somehow, Beast thinks part of this is his fault. He's a goob. He's just married to a complete klutz.

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Urban Word:

Dr. Feelgood: Personification given to mainly booze, and sometimes referring to other drugs. Generally used to refer to drugs when a person is feeling down and a person is saying it's what they need and/or use to feel better.

I think the use of some Dr. Feelgood, while a pleasant-sounding concept, might be the worst possible treatment for me tonight.

Dazed

I have neglected to mention a startling occurrence from a few weeks ago.

Sparky and I were walking out of Wal-Mart (hey, it's the only gig in town that sells lettuce, men's black dress pants, and Benadryl!) when a tallish, geeky-ish strawberry-blonde wearing glasses came running at us. Well, running at Sparky, really. She threw herself into his arms, squealing his name from ten feet away. "I miiiisssss you!!!" Mind you, school had been out of session for, perhaps, two days at this point.

What's a mom to do? Sparky looked at me apologetically over her shoulder and when she finally let him go he said, "Mom, this is [Dazy]." She barely glanced at me, may have mumbled "hi." So, not good with grown-ups. They chatted, I fidgeted a little, we eventually left. Sparky was clearly as uncomfortable with the situation as I was, and I pretty much let it drop.

Last Friday when I was waiting to pick him up at school after his driving practice, he rounded the corner of the high school with [Dazy] bouncing along beside him. She really does move a lot like Tigger. Anyway, she needed a ride home: she'd been driving (in a separate car from Sparky's) and apparently her folks had told her they couldn't come get her so she had been bumming for a ride.

So, we crammed into the cab of my pickup. She barely spoke to me, thus cementing my impression of 'not good with grown-ups.' It was weird though: I took her to the local flop-hotel, but I think her family manages it judging by the unit she told me to stop at. And once she was out of the car I quizzed Sparky a bit more. She has a boyfriend, she doesn't interest him 'that way'--"Mo-ommmm!"--she's in the anime club. I didn't go too far, because I had a sudden memory of my sister picking me up from college freshman year and commenting for what seemed like forever on a guy who had been there when she arrived, a guy friend. It was ... icky.

While I was in California over the weekend, I had to use Sparky's cell phone. As I was waiting at the gate at the airport, I got a text message: "I luv u" from [Dazy]. I just remembered. I guess I should tell him about it, only a week later.

Who says our subconscious doesn't rule things? I had rather forgotten about [Dazy] until I woke up this morning with the vision of short strawberry-blond hair and geeky glasses in my brain.

Oh, and
HAPPY FOURTH
of JULY!

In my head

So, randomness:

• If someone greets you for the first time at 1:00 pm by saying "Good morning" wouldn't you assume they were joking? I did. He wasn't.



• George Carlin was a genius. HBO is replaying a shitload of his 'concerts' tonight, and I think tomorrow night. In the one they are showing right now, Carlin is just a little more...special...than normal. He's either high or slightly wasted. Pretty funny--he keeps cracking himself up. And Sparky has now been introduced to the Seven Words, a couple of which he didn't (doesn't) know definitions for, and of course his father and I are laughing too hard to tell him.
  
  
• I have pretty hair for the conference. Cuz it matters that much to me (not). OK, for real? I have pretty hair for the READ posters we're busy making at work. My close-up is tomorrow. Maybe.
  
  
• Twice in the last month at family restaurants in town we have been seated next to or near tables of men with the foulest, and loudest, mouths. Now, y'all know I don't have a problem with swearing as a way of emphasizing. But...when literally every 4th or 5th word is "fuck" at 107 decibels, I dunno, it's just really annoying.
  You know who was most upset? Sparky. He could barely eat tonight.
  
  
• If someone needs help from someone else, wouldn't it behoove them to be somewhat...I dunno...humble? Respectful? As opposed to insolent, rude, and pushy? Because, y'know, if I were asking a favor, or looking for information, I think I'd want to not piss off the person to whom I was talking.
  
  
• Our Session meeting was last night. There are 12 people, plus the moderator, who are supposed to be there. We had a total of 6 including the moderator. There were 4 non-Session members of the church who came to present information. It was pretty weird; we're not really sure it was a legal meeting, or rather whether anything we decided was legal.

And now my brain is empty.

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Urban Word:

handy: European slang for cellular telephone

When my sister lived in Germany 7 years ago, she found that there were some interesting slang terms. We never did figure out where "handy" came from, really, but it's certainly more fun than "mobile" or "cell phone."