Saturday, July 19, 2008

"Asshat Move of the Year (So Far)"

Mood: Amused (and sore)
Hair: It needs washing and it's in a ratty braid
Eyes: Red-rimmed (stupid allergies
Listening to: MASCAR

Beast said that he expects me to use a title along these lines--not that he agrees with the sentiment. He should agree, but he's a kind Beastie. He also says he's never heard anyone else use the term "asshat." OK, then.

We went to a pig roast tonight. A good friend of ours has spent months planning this surprise party for his wife to celebrate their 20th anniversary. All of both of their families came in, and another friend volunteered their barn to host it.

Proving that I can't be trusted after half a glass of wine to walk while carrying a plate of food...I fell through the floor.

Now, granted there's more to the story, which I won't go into, but it was not the fault (directly) of the hosts or anyone else, and I didn't break the floor (the hole was there, and covered till we decided to tidy up). Fortunately, as you will see below, I have (ahem) heft in my thighs which ironically kept me from much more serious damage. I seem to have injured only 1) my pride, 2) my left foot where I twisted in my sandal as I fell, and 3) my right leg from mid-calf to mid-thigh, but pretty superficially. No broken bones, twisted tendons, or snapped ligaments. Just me, looking stupid.

That was at about 5:30. Three hours later after a bath and donning of pajamas (I do not wear these pants in public; are you on crack?!):

Not so bad, eh? A little red and scraped, with some suspicious shadowing on the inside of thigh. Still, some of the color weirdness could be due to the flash on the camera, eh?

OK, that shadow really is a bruise. Still, the majority of color is red. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of your own leg, by the way?

Eeeuwww! Cellulite! Whale-white skin! But rather patriotic: red, white and blue! Lots of scrapes, and some noticeable dark spots.

Can you point to where my leg got stuck in the floor? Can you see just how thick the floorboards in the barn are? Any bets on how painful getting out of bed tomorrow is going to be? I hope we have plenty of Tylenol in the house!

Somehow, Beast thinks part of this is his fault. He's a goob. He's just married to a complete klutz.

Urban Word:
Dr. Feelgood: Personification given to mainly booze, and sometimes referring to other drugs. Generally used to refer to drugs when a person is feeling down and a person is saying it's what they need and/or use to feel better.

I think the use of some Dr. Feelgood, while a pleasant-sounding concept, might be the worst possible treatment for me tonight.

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