Spammity Spam

One of the reasons I like Gmail is that you can train it to segregate the Spam. I only actually see about 5 spam messages each week, at most. The rest all get sent to the Junk Mail folder. I browse that folder periodically just in case something I care about goes there by accident. It’s only happened once in the year or so I’ve used this address.

However, like all spam receivers, I have come to enjoy the interesting names of the senders. Are people creating these names themselves, or are robots doing it? Either way, here are some of my recent favorites:

• Genaro Crowe--Russell’s no-good cousin?
• Armando Patterson, Bessie Huerta, Yahir Cook, Mateo Morris, Juan Turner, Alfonso Pearson, Javier Wilson, Grant Diaz, Hector Baker, Luz Quick, Francisco Stewart, Alejandro Ward, Logan Sanchez, Rodrigo Woodson (this could easily be a p*rn name), Alejandro Wright, Maureen Herrera--all lovely cross-cultural names
• Jesus Scott--the best cross-cultural name. I may actually use this for something!
• Shaibu Sanko--I have two messages from him (her?), although in one s/he adds a middle initial (R), and in the other the name is all in caps
• tbkqBrad christianson--almost-someone with whom I grew up
• John Green, Himmelfarb, Adler, Ed, Glazer, EQuayle, Finkelstein, Dave, Hollaender--spies (i.e. “covert operatives”)
• Xander Green--best name, don’t know why, I just like it
• Candy Comer--guess what she’s selling?
• Jayson Jolly--funniest name
• Hillel--Hey, isn’t he dead? Like, 2,000 years ago? Why is Hillel selling cia1is?!
• Emerson Bouchard, Harrison Carter, Wilbert Shulz, Connor Bailey, Preston Jenkins, Maddox Mitchell, Connor Price, Tyson Wilson, Chase Hall, Clement Gillespie, Landon Savage, Tanner Harris--either the newest high-powered law firm for stars, or a sign that using last names as first names has gotten completely out of control
• IsehWynflaed--another one I like, because I can’t figure out how to pronounce it, but it looks pronounceable
• Joshua Hinkle, Trevor Powell, Marcy Hewitt, Cody Barnes, Riley Blevins, Aaron Henderson, Luann Conrad, Brittney Drake, Ayden Long, Mitch Scruggs, Annabelle Kent--new country-music sensations
• Iaurice de La, Dina Chacon, Bryan Diaz, Aldo Ruiz, Scott Palacios--upcoming Latino stars
• Angelica Ames, Randell Kelly, Dalton Wright, Daniel Jordan, Bart Noble, Robert Wright, Summer Bolton, Thomas Sanders, Rosetta Ayers, Jenny Clayton, Bobby Heath, Leland Bower, Laura Calloway, Gwen McWilliams, Lorenzo Cope, Diane Berry, Ann Easley, Anita Mcleod--studio system stars’ names, unused when the system broke up
• Erik Moor, Gavin Robinson, Tyler Hughes, Brent Griffin, Lukas Taylor, Jewel Greenberg, Lourdes Mccauley, Isaac Barnes, Zachary White, Raphael Epps, Levi Morgan, Katharine Blackwell, Chase James, Buddy Hilliard, Bret Sexton, Logan King, Justin Gray, Julian Baker, Brenden Collins, Eli Perez, Lorenzo Cope, Blake Farrell, Melanie Spicer, Charles Wood--soap characters

I'm telling you, these people who come up with names like these could be writing novels. Or working for the witness protection program.