Not the post I was meaning to write

The post I was meaning to write was the one about our trip. I'm not sure I can do that yet, although I can say that it was...wait, I did already write something. Refer back to it. I'll try to get something more cohesive or detailed or...SOMEthing later.

However, what I've been doing up to this point is catching up on emails and blogposts (I had nearly 700 in Bloglines when I checked in yesterday; I'm down to 463 presently).

A surprising theme has been recurring. It has reared its head in the blog of a dear friend. It has shown up in a blog I just added last month, a site written by a college chaplain. And it has been referred to in a couple of other places that I can't remember now.

So: Anonymity in Blogging.

I've talked about this on occasion in the past, mostly in passing when I've thought I've been 'discovered' or when I've removed something from my site because of it being too close for comfort for some reason. I've also talked about it specifically here. Having just reread that entry, I have to say that very little has changed. I remember that I wrote it defensively, after reading something that I interpreted as saying that anonymous bloggers are chickenshit.

What I write here is what I really feel at any given moment. It really is "true" at least in that sense. It has become increasingly complicated because I now have access to posting on about twelve blogs: two public ones affilliated with this "persona" plus about 6 others that are private (i.e., they aren't listed on my profile), two "library/book stuff" blogs which are under a different name, another memes blog to which I contribrute occasionally (more on that later this summer), and two blogs I just started about ten days ago for our church under yet another name, which is MUCH more transparent as far as my actual name.

When I started blogging, it was a lark, but I still used a pseudonym so I could talk about work. It has evolved into a place where I can vent about virtually anything at all about anyone at all. I have mentioned my blog in passing to my family--they are beyond uninterested, I guess, since not one of them have asked for the URL. The only people I've actually met who read my blogs are the two people who jump-started me in this over 3 years ago, Beast (which of course is also a pseudonym), Sparky (infrequent), a co-worker I didn't realize was reading until recently, and Annie the Cataloguer (whom I met in person as a result of blogging).

In the event, two people from my past found me within about six months: a high-school friend I am in touch with, but mentioned because I had a huge crush on him back then, and another guy I was in church youth group with (and also had a crush on). Silly me: I mentioned their names. They both contacted me through email to make sure they knew who I was. I don't think they actually read the blog anymore, though. I've gone back and changed the way I named people in previous posts, and I'm MUCH more careful now about doing it now. I have no interest in being "outed" that way again. And I REALLY have no interest in the people I have said 'mean things' about finding those things.

Perhaps I should, therefore, not say mean things. As I said in the original post on this subject, I say fewer mean things than I think and generally what I say is less INTENSELY mean than what I think. And within a couple of weeks, I'm probably back to a good place with 80% of those people I've slammed. I try to understand motivation in people, and usually I do, but it's also a giant pain to always be the Understanding One when I'm being shat on by people who don't care. Believe me, I can figure out the why of just about everyone's behavior. I'm not as dumb as all that, and I do want to figure out what makes people tick, just for future reference and out of curiosity.

The main reason I originally chose to be anonymous, however, is due to an experience in the early 90s I had online with the old Prodigy system. I made a lot of good friends in a bbs there, ended up working with one of those friends, and actually got in trouble at work for talking about it all the time. However, there was also a lot of drama, and hurt feelings and negativity. I'm NOT interested in going there again. I have my own life, which is quite full--all evidence to the contrary--and as much as I value the friends I've made online through blogging--and I do, I do--there is a certain inherent dishonesty in being online that makes me leery of letting too much of me out to EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. I know my motives; I can't possibly know everyone else's motivation for being online. Most people are probably not fronting, but just enough people ARE to make it a little freaky. The aspect of written communication being notoriously difficult to interpret online plays into this, as well. It's hard to get the tone right, and I've always thought that our interpretations of Shakespeare (for instance) would make him laugh himself silly at what we think he was doing in his plays and poems. That doesn't make the interpretations less valid, just that they may have been completely unintended by the writer.

And no, I do NOT think I'm in the same league as Shakespeare. It's a metaphor. Move on.

So, why blog?

I like writing.
I'm a decent writer.
It's relaxing and there's no "grade" as there would be in a course, or in publication.
The comments component makes me happy. I like comments A LOT!! It's like party conversation.
I like people, I like finding out about others, and I like those a-ha moments when something someone writes coincides with something I've experienced.
I like computers, and learning more about stuff that builds on that.
It gives me something to do when Beast is watching golf or racing. Or both, as he is today. ;-)
I appreciate having a place to store stuff that's important to me at any given moment: song lyrics, funny book titles, pictures I like, etc.
There are other reasons, too, that are much less clear.

I don't think that everyone should write anonymously. Part of my thing is not to coerce people into thinking as I do. I've absolutely NO desire to do that. My personal belief is that if that IS your desire, then anonymity is a hindrance. However, the best part of blogs is that you can do whatever you want with them. And readers can do the same. In the end, I'd love to have more traffic, more comments, and more attention, but the down-side of that is more chance of being found out in a bad way. And I don't want that. Ultimately, if you don't want to read this stuff I write, that's fine with me (I'll only be hurt for awhile). If you do, that's more fun for us all as long as you aren't creepy. That's another wonderful thing about blogging: if someone creepy shows up, you can (and should) ignore them, and can even delete them from the conversation. I think I've only done that twice in three-plus years. That's pretty damn amazing, actually!

To those of you I have gotten acquainted with, or with whom I've developed a stronger relationship, thanks for the ride. Hope you're up for some more! To anyone else who stumbles across this site: you are welcome to come in and play with me as long as you behave yourself and play nice.