Monday, September 19, 2005

Ya'll are safe

...because today is my day to get yelled at. Guess I didn't know that when I left the house. On the way for Round One of errands I got impatient "GO!" gestures from several people at stop signs, and possibly a shrug of "Crazy nut---all right I'll go first" from one.

Whatever, that's pretty normal around here. Parenthetically, this area is not friendly, no matter what people want to say about the Midwest. All that Good Neighbor stuff skipped completely over this town. sigh

But, this takes the cake: pulling out of my space at the grocery store, I was called a bitch by the woman in the car next to me. Why? Because I didn't wait for her to get out of her car? Because a shopping cart hit her car when I moved mine? I did NOT push it into hers? Still, it's better than being called a 'twat' as my sister was while I was grocery shopping with her once.

Somehow on the drive home, I managed to find someone with math issues: "Speed Limit 40" DOES NOT MEAN 23! So we do-de-doo'd along for two miles till he (and, yes, it was a man) finally turned and I could approach third gear.

Still not really pissed off, just enjoying the first fall day, that tinge of chill and dust in the air, and a fab drum solo off a Genesis CD my niece dumped on us. I'm tooling up the hill to my house, keeping my eyes open because the school busses are out and about and I've seen a dozen or so kids schlepping home from the bus stop. I slowed as I noticed Unfriendly Dog-Walking Woman (she walks that dog at least three times a day, in a neighborhood of almost 1-acre lots--hello?). I have passed her while doing my walking and smiled, waved and/or attempted alien contact multiple times, to no avail. Today, she dramatically clutches her dog (a chow, I think) when I hove into sight--doing 29 mph, in third gear, going uphill--and equally dramatically mouths, "SLLLOWWW DOWWWNNN!" to me. I did not flip her off, I did not mouth anything back at her, I just looked at her incredulously.

But now I'm saying: Well, hey, baby; fuck you.

[No, this is NOT her or her dog, and we have no sidewalks here...I'm just playing with images. Maybe I'll take her picture next time I see her and REALLY freak her out...]

The rest of you should have a much better afternoon since all the buttheads on Earth are focused on punishing me for existing instead of spreading it around.

[I find it terribly amusing that "twat", "buttheads" and "fuck" are not in Blogger's spell-checker!]

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