Logan's Run, Cataloger version

When do I want to die?

Before I start saying things to my children (and/or grandchildren et al.) like "I may not be around next spring" when they tell me they are going to try to come see me.

I was going to make a list of some other 'before' and 'after' stuff, but my heart's not in it. I had to verbally hold my mom's hand last night on the phone as she wept over her life ending, and the last ten years' of depression ("I haven't been taking anti-depressants"--oh yes you have, Mom), and well, stuff.

As crazy as she drives me, she's my mom. It sucks. I hate being the youngest. I wouldn't want to be the oldest. I don't want to be the only boy, nor the one in the middle with Parkinson's.

I just really don't like being in my family at all right now.

Yo, Dad, could use a little help here.... {Papa, are you listening?}