Friday, May 02, 2008

Mother's Day hints for husbands

Here's a hint, two things you shouldn't say to the mother of your children on or around Mother's Day. If you really MUST say them, be sure you are drunk off your ass, or save them till the end of the argument (viz. George Carlin). Both of these comments are what a friend's husband said to her last year, on Mother's Day, when she realized that there was no card/no gift forthcoming from him or their three preschool children.
1) "It's your JOB to be their mother." [The implication was clear that she's no hero, so don't expect any special treatment "just" for being a regular ol' mom. This, after they'd both spent several hours over the previous week making stuff for their kids' grandmothers without any suggestion that his mom was "just" doing her "job" as a grandma.]

2) "I'd probably have done something for you today if you hadn't gotten so fat and ugly." [She's not ugly, and the 'fat' is from baby #3.]
Here's another hint: if you see nothing at all wrong with either statement, you SUCK as a human being, and as a husband/significant other/co-parent/human being. Go live in a cave. Alone. Far away from your family.

And, ohbytheway, what you do when "Mom" isn't around to deal with the kids? That's NOT CALLED "babysitting." It's called "parenting."

No comments: