Saturday, August 11, 2007


WINNER, best messy, fattening, and simple food product at a fair: Homemade, fresh cream puffs. There simply is no contest.

WINNER, most stereotypical-bad-American food product at a fair: "Chocolate-covered cheesecake on a stick" It's the last three words that send me into hysterics. No, I didn't actually eat any. Which isn't to say I didn't WANT any...but that's just my stereotypically-bad-American coming out.

WINNER, funniest comment from a teenager at a fair: "There are some more cows straight ahead." (Uh, C.? Those? Those are horses, horses with cops on them....?) "Did I say cows? Did I really say cows?!?"

WINNER, weirdest tradition at a fair: A young woman in a sparkly evening gown getting her photo taken with a cow (a real cow). And probably with a pig, a heifer, a horse, a rabbit, a steer...each of the winners. It is the Queen's duty after all....

WINNER, biggest bummer: not being able to see a band at the main stage that I saw in a bar 22 years ago. It would have been interesting.

WINNER, small world concept: virtually everyone looked vaguely familiar to us yesterday. Beast and I spent the day looking for people we know from a former life (lived in the big city near the fair), and then noting that we could easily spot the long-time locals in the crowd. Fortunately, this time we didn't actually meet anyone we knew. Last time we were there...we did: people from our current church!

WINNER, funnest free event: Pig racing. Because they snuck in a duck race. Ever watched ducks "race" (on land, not in water)? Heh.

WINNER, the midway barkers: For awarding Sparky a prize that he wanted so much that he kept it...even though it's pink.

WINNER, "experience pays" division: we didn't buy anything, or pick up anything, from the exhibitors. Nothing. We looked at spas. We got spieled for an "authentic" NASCAR ride (inside a space shuttle...hmmm....). We enjoyed watching the monkey launches. Beast was freaked out by people touching homemade dog biscuits and then putting them back in the pile to be sold.

WINNER, weirdest enforced-work program (i.e. workfare instead of welfare): rest room attendants who are paid only if users tip. Sparky was completely confused, and I kept forgetting to take change with me--I don't tip $20s, sorry--so I had to keep running back in with money cadged from Beast.

WINNER, tidiest bathrooms: all of them. No paper on the floor, no plugged toilets or sinks, no broken doors, no wildly horrible odors. But I still think this is a bizarre arrangement. Isn't it? Or am I just so very strange?

WINNERS: us. We paid $8 each to get in, $9 to park, and outrageous amounts to eat. Sparky and C. spent wa-a-a-a-ay too much on the midway games, rode eight or nine rides, and ate their way around the grounds. Beast and I listened to cover bands at four or five stages--for free--watched people, flirted with babies, avoided getting sunburned, and let the boys run wild--as wild as these boys get. Had we not had them with us, we could have gotten by on about $75 including admission.

Unfortunately, as penance for the above, I have to work six hours today. I'm subbing for a circ person because there is, literally, no one else to cover. Everyone else is either working or on vacation. My legs will hurt a lot tonight.

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