Solid ground

After a good night's rest, for the first time in a long time, I've gotten the ground back under me and made some decisions. It didn't hurt that Beast and I had a good talk last night and he helped me down from the ledge. It's good to have someone notice that you need human contact and a verbal hug.

1. I'm not going to work today, for a couple of reasons. One is that I woke up with a slightly messed up sinus situation. Not dire, but combined with the tilting floor, I can't see how working is going to 'work' today. The other is much more childish, passive-aggressive and quid pro quo: the two librarians whom I will be putting out today by not going in are the two who are least likely to put themselves out and actually work a full 8-hour day. So, my mantra has essentially become FUCK 'EM.



2. Without going into detail, suffice to say that I'm working Thursday nights because The Music Guy needs to have that night off work for his children's sake. Sorry, for me raising kids = bend over backwards to help. So of course I agreed to swap hours. The issue isn't the time-shift; the issue is the scheduling of hours during that time. He called me yesterday afternoon and told me to bag the whole thing because it's turned into such a logistical nightmare. I told him, gently and euphemistically, to Fuck Off: it's a done deal, he's not working Thursday nights and Other People need to work out the details. Then, after we hung up ("Are you sure? Are you SURE?" he kept repeating), I burst into tears. Again.



3. In spite of being home so much of the day and noshing on pistachios at work yesterday morning, I think I managed to keep my calorie intake under about 1400 yesterday, through strategic use of sugar-free gum and diet soda....and a large salted pretzel for dinner.



4. It hit me yesterday: I have never felt like an insider at this job. There are three people who run the place: the Director (which makes sense), Miss W., and The Box Lady, both of whom are circ staffers. [for a primer, here's the staff list] The latter two get away with frickin' murder, although for the most part they don't excessively abuse their 'in.' HAH!



5. What hit me at the same time is that while anyone else departing suddenly would mess up the schedule and cause some problems, MY leaving suddenly wouldn't impact the schedule much...but those two carts of materials would continue to sit there for several months and/or would be 'cataloged' indiscriminately and frequently badly and the library would look more foolish, more regularly than it does now. Last night, I told Beast that this gave me a warm fuzzy feeling of glee: I'm more necessary than I suspect anyone gives me credit for. After all, Cat. just sits in the corner with her headphones on emerging occasionally to throw a hissy fit or to sit at the Reference (or whichever) Desk on demand. She doesn't actually do anything! hee hee hee



6. I've had a copy of American Libraries lying around for a week or so. I'll be flipping through the job ads and, at least, mentally working on updating my resume. Not that I'm serious about quitting, but I need to be reminded of my worth outside the sealed environment that is my workplace.



7. I'm having a long, long soak in the bathtub this morning, including full-on pampering: bath oils, candles, emptying and refilling the tub when the temperature becomes untenable, and totally pruny skin. Maybe even {gasp} a glass of wine--at 9 a.m.!! Then, I'm going back to bed.

Ya'll have a GREAT day.