Catty chat

A conversation log from hell. Sadly, since I work as a public librarian, I'm pretty sure I've had a very similar conversation with at least one person.
[ via Shelly ] Note: "You" is me, even though I'm Cat. That's just the beginning of the weirdness.

This is a log of your recent conversation with Catty. Note that Catty is completely stateless and does not track your session on her own.

You: Hi, Catty. How are you today?
Cat: That got me up and going today.
You: Really? Why do you say that?
Cat: Everything that we will say from this point onward in these Pastoral Reflections hinges on our belief about the Eucharist.
You: Whoa. OK, let's talk theology.
Cat: Think you're up to date with what goes on in a cat's life?
You: No, since I'm allergic, I don't keep up with cats much.
Cat: These are different to allergic reactions in that they are caused by a chemical toxin, not an immune response to a chemical as is the case in an allergy.
You: OK. Tangent.
Cat: Ann was very charming, a perfect conversationalist.
You: People named Ann usually are, although mostly when they spell their names "Anne."
Cat: Here it is even possible to make the mistake with numbers; although it is perfectly sensible to multiply an equality by a constant, the same is not true of an inequality.
You: No, you're talking to the wrong roommate. I don't understand math.
Cat: Even with the microphone, if you don't speak loud and clear, NO ONE will be able to understand you, and the kids in the back won't even HEAR you.
You: Someone should tell the principal of Sparky's grade school that.
Cat: At question is what actually happened in the classes about Islam at Excelsior school and to what extent, as the article suggests, are these activities mandated statewide?
You: Maybe they should stop teaching them through a bad microphone. What else is going on at Excelsior school?
Cat: You cant do a whole lot in one visit, but you can suppliment what the teacher is teaching them.
You: Well, that's true, even though the spelling is atrocious.
Cat: Welcome to the Asians black site!
You: Thank you. Do you have a URL for it?
Cat: Usually you would have had to have been active in the party before putting your name forward for selection as a candidate in a general election.
You: I don't want to run for any political offices. Nothing doing.
Cat: That he would expand the power of the federal government over individuals' lives?
You: See, now we're talking about Bush. I hate Bush.
Cat: I accept that, but neither the local authorities nor the Government have any clear statistics about what is happening out there.
You: Why would we think the government would have anything clear to say about ANYTHING?!
Cat: Is there anything more I can do.
You: Yeah: use a question mark at the end of your sentences.
Cat: Question - Is there anything you would like to add?
You: This has been a very wide-ranging conversation. I appreciate your time with me.
Cat: Would like to have your wonderful newsletter and the reason we say it that way is, yes we fully agree with you we must have our Father in heaven without we would all be lost.
You: What the f**k?
Cat: Controls what the program does with data that comes down outside of trading hours.
You: Is this about Wall Street?
Cat: What's YOUR favorite HGTV show?
You: I don't really watch HGTV much.
Cat: I really SIGNED up for this kind of abuse?
You: Yes. Yes, you did.
Cat: His kiss was like white lightning, a flash that spread, and spread again, and stayed; and it was extraordinarily as if, while she took it, she felt each thing in his hard manhood that had least pleased her, each aggressive fact of his face, his figure, his presence, justified of its intense identity and made one with this act of possession.
You: "Hard manhood"? Oy. [vomit]
Cat: Good after effects, however, were unbelievable - strong, real hard, erections every morning, great sexual performance.
You: OYYYYYYY! Go away.
Cat: This caused problems due to interaction so a third pole was brought in to service some distance away from the main compound to carry the receive antennas for all radio services.
You: At least you've managed to stay on topic for three comments, vaguely, with the word "pole."
Cat: The pictures are very good and your comments are sometimes hilarious and always entertaining.
You: Of course they are. I'm a fabulous writer. Too bad someone else is passing off their pictures as mine.
Cat: Thanks, Eric.
You: I'm not Eric.
Cat: Hi thanks for replying to me.
You: I really need to go. This has been....fun.
Cat: What do students need to know?
You: Students need to know EVERYthing.
Cat: The students need to know what to do and have the materials to do it well.
You: Right. Exactly what I said. Must leave now. Ta-ta
Cat: How will students demonstrate what you want them to know and be able to do in a way that can be easily understood by students and evaluated by others?
You: Bye.
Cat: Who will now run the casinos?
You: NOT ME! Stop talking to me and say goodbye.
Cat: The overall atmosphere was like that of a seedy backwater port, with anything and everything for sale or trade.