Kid For Sale!Stock Up Now!

There are no selling points. Unless you like living in Hormone City in the country of Crabby-Ass.


YESTERDAY
After-school time started out at 4 or so just fine. Sparky had more homework to do than expected, but I still thought he could get it done in time for us to head back into town, grab a "goodbye" card for Sleek, eat dinner, drop off the card at the library for everyone to sign, and get to my meeting (a monthly meeting that I haven't attended since January!) by 7:00. Did I mention that Thursday night is the night the garbage goes to the curb? Was it necessary for him to spend 27 minutes in the bathroom? {hint: Same answer, both questions}

Then, of course, our #(*%&*# computer has to eat his paper and get the printer involved in a technological revolt. That happened at about 5:15. I 'found' his paper, and over the course of the next half hour--after a call from his dad to check in which I'm sure Beast is sorry he made!--we got everything sorted out and printed. The paper is very poorly written, but I took about 3 steps down that road and quickly turned back! Sometimes it just doesn't pay....

Or, the short version of the afternoon:

Mom: scream, bitch, yell, growl, throw hands up and leave Sparky to figure out his own problems, primarily because he can't seem to communicate what they are
Sparky: pout, glare, growl, whine, complain, cry....but never T-A-L-K

Eventually he got the garbage to the curb and I called the chair to say I wouldn't be at my meeting after all. We drove back to town for the errands, returning home around 7:10 with the realization that I'd forgotten to set up the tape for "Survivor" so we missed the beginning (not a huge loss, really). We're now two weeks behind on all three shows we regularly watch. How sad is that!?

Anyway, we finally ate dinner, after which Sparky was sent packing to bed. I came downstairs and realized that, while he'd actually fed the guinea pigs, they were totally out of water. They drank a half a bottle of water--no lie!--when I refilled it for them.

THIS MORNING
Sparky's up at 6 to catch his 7:30 bus. He spent AN HOUR in the bathroom. A full hour. That left him 10 minutes to eat and 15 minutes to pack up his schoolbag and get outside. During the packing portion of the morning I noticed him with an extra T-shirt in his hand. What for? Oh, it's School Tie-Dye Day today! I questioned if dying that particular shirt is a good idea, so he stomps back upstairs and...

Sparky: pout, glare, growl, whine....but never T-A-L-K
Mom: scream, bitch, yell, growl, tell him he's not leaving for school till we sort out his problems which could take all morning since he can't seem to communicate what they are!

Lovely way to start the day. I took him to school, with one of my white T-shirts for him to tie-dye (my Colorado shirt....{sniffle}).

I went to give blood, vented to the phlebotomist, did a couple other errands--including allergy shots (it's Needle Day for me!)--and came home to find this voicemail at home, time-stamped 8:40 a.m.:

{mumbling} "Hi Mom. {pause}{pause} I forgot...I didn't...The instruc...{sigh}...I didn't do any illustrations for the project that I was working on last night. There are supposed to be pictures. OK. That's all. Talktoyoulaterbye."

[They are required to call a parent whenever they don't finish/turn in their homework.] Yep, so there goes a chance at an A on this big project. The best he can do is a B, and that's if he did everything else right.

But y'know, ok. He's gotta learn. I'm so done chasing down his homework assignments and holding his nose to the grindstone about reading the instructions thoroughly and so forth. He's just gonna hafta do the trial-by-fire method.

I love this kid, but this week has been HELL:

lack of sleep--two separate overnights
plugged up plumbing (TWICE!)
picking up an entire cornish game hen in his hands to eat it
wearing white socks with dress slacks/not wearing a belt with pants
broken TP holder in his bathroom
unmade bed every day this week
mumbling (and pouting and glaring and...)--general sullenness
lack of Thank Yous when he gets help he's asked for
pets? what pets?? We have to remind him EVERY DAY to feed them

Where did our sweet, nice kid go? He used to make his bed. He used to have table manners. OK, he never has had the slightest clothes-sense and he's pretty good at breaking stuff. But he used to remember to say "Please" and "Thank You" pretty regularly.


I know. I know.

I sound like every mother of every (privileged) teenager in America. Yes. It could be worse. Much worse.

I'm going to go meditate on that now, so that when he gets home I don't RIP HIS ARMS OFF AND BEAT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH THEM!!!

So.
Any buyers? I'm about to reduce to price to FREE! TAKE ONE!